Chapter 59: Dealing with Family: When the Victim Does Not Believe They Are a Victim

Throughout my professional years as an attorney and notary, I have accompanied many clients in complex legal battles. During my years of professional work, I have examined passionate inheritance disputes, business partnership dissolutions that turned into all-out wars, and difficult tort claims. Yet, nothing prepares a person—neither the attorney nor the family members—for the moment the ground falls out from under their feet due to 'love.' Not just any love, but one born on a screen, nurtured in late-night WhatsApp messages, and turned into an impenetrable fortress of denial.

In previous chapters, we dealt with the mechanisms of scammers: how they build their identity, how they control the heart, and how they execute the first financial request. But this chapter is dedicated to the other tragic heroes of the story: the family members. The children, siblings, or former spouses who watch from the sidelines as a catastrophe unfolds before their eyes. They see savings disappearing, assets being encumbered, and the person dear to them turning into a complete stranger, a soldier in the service of a distant scammer.

The greatest difficulty in romance scams is not necessarily the money lost, but the wall the victim builds around themselves. When the family tries to intervene, they are not perceived as a savior, but as an enemy. The legal battle in these cases is unique: it requires professionals not only to know banking and contract law but to navigate a minefield of emotional and familial issues, where the scammer’s most powerful tool is not technology—but the victim’s denial.

The following scenario is an educational example based on common fraud patterns. The characters and events are for illustration purposes only.

The First Crack in the Security Wall

Nimrod (a pseudonym), an accountant by profession and a rational man, found himself helpless in the face of his family's new reality. He described a situation where his mother, Ruth, 72, a widow for five years, began transferring significant sums to a person she had never met, while developing hostility toward family members trying to stop her.

Ruth’s story began with an innocent friend request on Facebook. The 'suitor' was Mark, who introduced himself as an officer in the United States Army. For five months, they conducted a stormy digital relationship. Mark sent her poems, pictures, and promised her a future together in Israel.

The matter was discovered when Nimrod identified an unusual loan request. A check of the mother’s account revealed wire transfers in significant amounts to various parties abroad. The excuses provided by the scammer were varied: ranging from 'gold bars' waiting for release to urgent medical expenses.

When Nimrod presented her with evidence that the pictures were forged, Ruth reacted with defensiveness, accusing her family members of wanting to control her money. The emotional struggle led to estrangement, and the crisis reached a breaking point when it turned out that Ruth was considering taking out a reverse mortgage on her home. In such cases, seeking legal advice happens when the applicants are torn between the desire to respect their loved ones' autonomy and the desperate need to halt their financial collapse.

The Psychological Wall: Why Does the Victim Refuse to Believe?

To understand the legal complexity, we must first understand the psychological mechanism. In cases of romance fraud, the victim is often under a psychological manipulation known as 'cognitive dissonance.' After months of emotion and hope have been invested, the thought that it was all a lie becomes unbearable. The human brain may prefer to continue believing a comfortable lie than to face a painful truth.

Scammers exploit the 'isolation technique' and warn the victim against family members. Thus, when the children try to help, they actually confirm the scammer’s prophecy and strengthen the victim's trust in them.

Legally, this is a complex point. An adult, who has not been declared legally incompetent, is entitled to do as they wish with their money. Israeli law sanctifies individual liberty. However, it is possible to examine whether the actions were performed under duress, undue influence, or temporary lack of capacity.

Individual Autonomy vs. Duty of Protection: Legal Tools

When family members face such a situation, they must examine the legal toolkit. The primary law available to us is the Legal Capacity and Guardianship Law, 1962. Courts tend to avoid infringing on a person's freedom as much as possible, and certainly would not do so merely because of controversial financial decisions.

The more modern and appropriate tool is a Continuing Power of Attorney. If the person signed such a power of attorney while they were of sound mind, it is sometimes possible to examine its activation if it is proven that they are 'unable to understand the matter' regarding their property. In scenarios where no power of attorney exists, dealing with it is more complex.

In some cases, one may consider applying to the court for a temporary injunction or the appointment of a 'guardian ad litem' for a specific matter. The legal argument that can be used is sometimes a 'lack of meeting of the minds' or undue influence. If it is proven that the scammer created a psychological dependency so deep that the victim's will is not their own free will, the court may consider the possibility of intervention.

It is important to understand: the legal system is very cautious. Freezing an account requires significant evidence of fraud, and sometimes professional support such as a medical opinion testifying to impaired judgment due to the manipulation.

Liability of Banks and Credit Card Issuers: The Last Line of Defense

In analyzing these cases, one can also turn their gaze to the banking entity. Here, the Banking Law (Customer Service) and proper management directives come into play. A bank has a fiduciary duty and a duty of care toward its customers, especially toward vulnerable populations.

It must be examined whether the bank did enough to warn the customer regarding unusual activity that does not match the normal pattern of activity. Were the 'red flags' required by procedures activated? There are legal approaches stating that the bank is not a 'policeman' for the customer, and if the customer insists on executing the transaction and provides an explanation, the bank's ability to refuse is limited.

In scenarios where the victim is instructed by the scammer to lie to the bank clerk regarding the nature of the transfer, it is much harder to hold the bank liable, but not impossible if it is proven that there were exceptional circumstances that should have raised a genuine suspicion among the professional staff.

The Strategy for Family Intervention: A Quiet Rescue Mission

In these situations, one of the central recommendations for family members is to focus on the facts and less on emotional confrontations about the nature of the relationship.

A possible strategy combines legal and psychological tools:

1. Documentation and Evidence Collection: Consolidating account statements, screenshots, and evidence of the scammer's identity forgery, with the goal of building a legal foundation.
2. Formal Inquiry to the Bank: A letter can be sent warning of suspected fraud in a senior citizen's account. This action may increase the burden of care placed on the bank moving forward.
3. Involvement of an Authoritative Third Party: Sometimes the victim will be more inclined to listen to an external professional. Seeking legal advice may help; in a calm conversation, one can present an analysis of similar cases examined in the past and their legal consequences.
4. Proposal for External Verification: One can suggest that the victim use a private investigator or another verification entity. Scammers tend to sabotage such verification attempts.

In an educational scenario, presenting the legal mechanism of a 'reverse mortgage' and its consequences for property ownership may help illustrate the real risk to the victim and lead to the first crack in the wall of denial.

Summary and Conclusions: The Path to Rehabilitation

In a possible scenario, one can work to stop future money transfers by contacting the security departments of the banks and filing a complaint, although it must be remembered that funds that have already left the country’s borders may be very difficult to recover. The chance of recovering funds depends on the specific circumstances of each case.

Dealing with a romance scam requires patience. The law is the tool meant to set boundaries and protect property, but healing requires familial compassion. It is important to remember that the person is a victim of a sophisticated crime that exploits basic human needs.

Warning Signs for Family Members

• Sudden change in spending patterns: Large cash withdrawals or unusual transfers abroad.
• Concealment and secrecy: Excessive defensiveness regarding phone usage or the identity of contacts.
• Use of new terminology: Talking about 'release fees,' 'customs,' or 'diplomatic accounts.'
• Social withdrawal: Severing ties with old social circles.

What Can Be Done?

• Avoidance of direct confrontation: An attempt to keep a channel of communication open despite the difficulty.
• Examination of legal options: Checking for the existence of a continuing power of attorney or the need for temporary orders.
• Updating bank officials: Notifying the branch manager or the compliance officer regarding the concerns.
• Documentation: Saving all relevant information that may serve as evidence in future legal proceedings.

Legal Aspect: The Bank's Duty of Care Toward Senior Citizens

It is possible to examine in court the question of the heightened duty of banks to protect elderly customers. As part of managing a legal proceeding, the question is examined whether the bank acted in accordance with regulatory guidelines regarding fraud prevention and the protection of vulnerable populations. In certain circumstances, grounds may arise to claim negligence on the part of the financial institution and to explore the possibility of demanding compensation for the damages caused.